.: day 73 :.

Someone dropped by our home late this morning just before we were about to head out for lunch. This someone was a messenger and he had with him a package to deliver to me from Sophia!! I cannot describe how much it made my day. And to have it come on my ‘weigh-in’ day. It felt like God totally planned it to happen this way so that I would have some encouragement over the dreaded dietitian appointment. I dread it still because I know I have gained yet more weight and while I’d like to rejoice, it really is a bittersweet kind of feeling. Sweet because I know I am succeeding against the ED. Bitter because there are still remnants of the ED within me that I cannot deny.

There is another reason as to how I believe God is working in my life right now. Not only did I receive Sophia’s package today, yesterday, I received an e-mail from June Cheong – you know, the journalist from Mind Your Body, who interviewed me a few weeks ago? Well, she asked me to verify some of my quotes so I am assuming that the article will be out really soon. Perhaps this week or next week’s issue. While I am excited, I am anxious as well because I know that this means that my personal struggle is being thrown into the spotlight. There will be a mention of my blog I think which means more pressure to recover. I say that God is working in my life because I know that I am now around the ’scary’ weight that usually halts my recovery and throws me back into the evil world of ED. So, it is obvious that He timed all this such that the publishing of the article will mean that I cannot afford to fall back, especially in front of so many. Because He knows that I have a lot of pride. Because He knows that this is one darn good way of pushing me to recover. Because He knows that I will not allow myself to fall flat on my face.

Anyway, I bet you all must be scratching your heads over what I received from Sophia and let me tell you, her package was wickedly awesome!! As soon as I opened it, the smile that was already on my face just grew so wide, I swear I looked like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland.

Totally love the caption! x)

Thankfully though, I’m still that little bit hotter than the Cheshire Cat! Lol.

The huge smile on my face was a result of these super cute socks that I’m guessing were definitely from Korea! Imagine that! I’ve never been to Korea or the US but all 5 pairs of these socks have been to both, so in a funny way, they probably have the essence of Korea and the US weaved within them. I’m no K-Drama fan but I swear the dude on the right-most pair of socks looks like Bae Yeong Jun but without glasses.

No? Haha. Hmm.. Maybe not.

What got me even more excited were these:

2 Clif Bars and a Luna Bar. OH MY GAAAAAAWD! Sophia sending these over were totally God answering my prayers! I have been dying to get my hands on these babies since I first saw them on some of the US blogs I have come across. They sell Lara Bars here but only like, 2 or 3 different flavours. But no Luna Bars and definitely no White Chocolate Macadamia! And Clif Bars are non-existent here either so I am itching to try them. Sophia sent me Banana Nut Bread and Carrot Cake Clif Bars which sound super! This surprise package really made me feel all Warm and Fuzzy (Warm Fuzzy!!) inside, and really gave me the added motivation I have been seeking the past week or so. Thanks so much sweetie for the Warm Fuzzy!! Hehe.

And the card Sophia sent had me goose-bumping all over in a good way. Have you ever been so touched by the actions of another, by a song being sung, or by words of encouragement that it made you have goosebumps? I have a couple of times, and this was one of them. And I truly truly am grateful for the effort put into this parcel. It reminds me of how much our actions can impact others. The things we do, the things we say… they all impact the people around us and it can be in both negative and positive ways. People often do not realise how much weight their behaviours and attitudes can carry but in this case, I feel so much more supported in my recovery and I feel that even as it is getting more daunting, I am really not alone in this battle. Sophia’s package as well as the e-mail from June served as evidence of God’s wondrous presence in my life – His calling out to me not to give up, His encouragement to me that I am not going to let the jitters overwhelm and overpower me this time. He knows my weakness in being proud, but He is using this exact weakness and turning it into strength – strength for me to recover. And I will. x)

Breakfast: Kashi’s Go Lean Cereal Mix with Yoghurt

Lunch: Sada (Plain) Thosai at Raj Restaurant

Raj’s Thosai was nice and crisp, while not being overly thick or too thin either. I quite liked it apart from the middle portion that was a little on the oily side, but I guess that is normal in order to get the thosai crispy. I guess Madras Woodlands Ganga is still my preferred choice especially with their attentive waiters and flawless customer service.

The condiments that went with my plain thosai were pretty good. They gave a large serving of coconut chutney which had a milky flavour to it. Dipped in the coconut chutney followed by the sour sambar, the thosai gave way to a sharp spicy-sourness of the sambar and the mildness of the chutney. I quite liked their coriander chutney as well although they only gave a small dollop of it.

Compared to Madras Woodlands Ganga, I would say that Raj can only come in second best in my opinion. Madras Woodland’s sambar still rocks with their generosity in the amount of vegetables they serve inside – cubed eggplant, radish, carrots, onions… And their chutneys are more suited to my tastebuds. On top of that, their thosai tends to be cooked such that there is hardly a tinge of oiliness, making for a satisfyingly great meal.

Still, Raj was teeming with customers this lunchtime, many of whom ordered their Thali as well as Naan bread with various sides. Their Naans looked enticing but we figured that Madras would be better for us since we can order a set, and they provide condiments just nice enough for one person, AND we get free top ups. At Raj, we would have to order their sides separate from the naan, meaning that the portions would be rather big as well as fixed, and we would probably only be able to order two sides or else it would be too much.

Tea: 1/2 a Laughing Cow Cheese Waffle and 1/2 a Peanut Butter Waffle

I had my waffles before my dietitian appointment this afternoon. This time, we ordered one Plain Waffle and one Peanut Butter Waffle.

What Dad and I did was we brought two triangles of Laughing Cow Cheese along with us and smothered a wedge on each half of the plain waffle. The light saltiness of the cheese melded well with the sweet, pandan waffle. It was really, really good I tell you. Even better than the Chocolate Waffle. BUT not better than Peanut Butter Waffle!!

My Peanut Butter Waffle was gorgeously delicious as usual! The creamy, gooeyness was divine and I savoured every single glop of it together with the lightly crisp waffle to the very last bite. What I realised today as I ate my Peanut Butter Waffle though, was that had I eaten a whole one, I would have felt rather heaty thereafter due to the peanut butter. So in a way, sharing the waffle with Dad today, and on previous occasions, was the right decision even though I love love love peanut butter!

I saw June, the dietitian who has taken over YihS, for appointment today and although my weight was ’sub-optimal’, I still think it was close enough to optimal. She was pretty happy with me and basically spent the half an hour showering me with words of encouragement since she knows that this is the point at which I start quaking in my boots. June’s pretty nice though but honestly? I really miss YihS… =( Anyway, June’s alright with my current meal plan so far although she just asked for me to make sure that I continue eating properly, and not fall into the habit of counting calories again or restricting.

I’ll be seeing her next Thursday because plans have been made for me to fly to the UK!! I’ll be flying off Sunday (14 June) evening for about 2 weeks and I can hardly wait!! So I see June (the dietitian, not the month!) next week, go away for 2 weeks, and then I’ll have my following appointment with her once I’m back around the 1st week of July. Tomorrow, I see Dr. S. I don’t really see the point because I have already had my weigh-in this week but I guess it is probably to assess my mental state and to make sure that I am doing well. Hopefully I will not have to wait more than an hour to see her.

Dinner: Porridge with Fish, Red Spinach with Prawns, and Braised Peanuts

Mum made porridge for dinner which we had with Ikan Kurau (Threadfin Fish), steamed in some special sauce from Jipson that we got from Melaka. OOOOOohh! The fish was amazing!! The marinade was wonderfully spicy and had tom yum undertones, as well as an asam (sour) flavour with a hint of laksa leaves. Good stuff!!

The Red Spinach was stir-fried with some prawns. Just like Popeye, I could eat spinach everyday! But unlike him, I like mine fresh and not out of a can! Yummyyyy!

Nightcap: Assorted Japanese Tidbits

I decided that since I had some of these leftover from when I opened them to try, I might as well have them first instead of opening new packets. x) Dad tried the Almond with Cheese on Japanese Rice Cracker and really liked it. After chomping through 5 of these mini bites, Dad excited stated that he plans to buy a whole packet for just himself to eat. Lucky for him though, they sell slightly bigger versions of these crackers that are individually wrapped. Not very environmentally-friendly though, but more satisfaction for Dad in a mouthful.

Personally, I like the Light Vanilla Wafers with Chocolate Cream the most. Hehe. However, I’m crazy about the almonds they have topping the other two biscuits – crunchy, toasted almonds… Mmm..Yet another amazing creation of God’s!!

Ah yes. And today marks the day that I can start incorporating some exercise into my week based on my ‘contract’ with Mum and Dad as I have hit target weight #1 as officially recorded by the ED team. So now I get to exercise thrice a week but not too vigorously and not too extensively. Just some exercise to tone up a little and to strengthen my muscles. I have to remember that I am exercising because of the joy I derive from it, the desire to live healthily and NOT to ‘purge’ out the calories I have taken in, NOT to lose weight. I’m so excited!