.: day 76 :.
There is always calm after a storm. And just like how yesterday was a rather stormy day, today was a day of clear blue skies and sunny weather. I guess sometimes God makes some days tough, just so we will be able to appreciate the good days and remember that all blessings rain down from Him.
Breakfast: Cereal Mix with Yoghurt

My mix today had a whole lot of nuts that made ED remind me of how packed with energy they are. Of course I knew that! Silly me. Which made my whole breakfast even more enjoyable since it had the added crunch and nuttiness from the crushed macadamias, almonds, cashews, walnuts and pistachios. That’s not to say that it wasn’t tempting to remove the nuts and throw them away, but I kept telling myself that I needed the extra fuel for…
ROLLARBLADING!
Yes! I went rollarblading at East Coast Park around 11.15pm this morning before we went for lunch. Mum and Dad chilled at MacD’s with the newspapers and a hot cuppa. I bladed for about 30 minutes and it felt wonderful! The heat wasn’t stifling and the sea breeze was blowing inland making me feel as if I was flying.

I realise that with every new step that I take, Mum and Dad get even more excited than I do, embarrassingly so to be honest. After I donned on one of my new pairs of socks sent to me by Sophia (SO cute no?), I put my spanking new blades on and before I could whizz off, Dad picked up my trusty camera and snapped a picture of me.

When I viewed the picture for quality control, I dismissed it because I felt that my hair didn’t look right. Lol. And then Mum decided that she was a better photographer than Dad, thus taking the camera away from him and aiming it at yours truly once again.
Being ever the perfectionist, Mum thought that the angle at which she was sitting wasn’t good enough. So, she got off her chair and stood a little away from me with the camera in her hands. Still not good enough. Mum then did a half squat, right in the middle of MacD’s(!!!!), which was teeming with school kids and families because of the holidays. That even made the cleaning Uncle stop short in his work, with a mop poised up in one hand, only to observe this spectacle of a middle-aged but gorgeously young-looking mother, taking a picture of her 21-year old daughter in her rollarblades.

Well, at least the picture turned out pretty decent. x)
I felt like it was my first day at kindergarten, with Mum and Dad buzzing around in a frenzy of excitement at their little girl all grown up. I guess in a way, it must have felt quite like that. After so many months of not being able to engage in physical activity, I think they must have been feeling proud that I have managed to reach my target weight #1. Sure, I am not wholly at my normal weight yet but can you imagine what Mum and Dad will be like when I DO hit my normal weight?! I think they may just pull a trophy out of thin air, fan fare playing in the background and a photographer snapping professional pictures of the mini prize-giving ceremony they will indulge in. Haha. I’m just amusing myself now.
I didn’t rollarblade too far or too fast. My new blades were a little heavy compared to the blades that I usually rent, and so I had to work a bit harder to move at the speed I am more used to. It was fun though, soaking up the sun’s rays with the wind messing up my hair, feeling my body move and being alone in my thoughts apart from the few times I was greeted with a ‘Good Morning’ or a ‘Hello’ which felt nice. =)
I got back to MacD’s at 11.45am and after a good wipe down and cooling off, the three of us set off to Swanlake Avenue at Opera Estate to get a taste of Big Ben’s Pies!
Lunch: Steak and Mushroom Pie from Big Ben’s Place

Stepping into Big Ben’s Place would make any Brit feel right at home with their pub-like decor and flags of the Union Jack proudly displayed. The only things out of place I would say, were their metal tables and chairs, and of course, there were not pub ladies taking our orders – just a nice, friendly, young local chap.


Their menu consisted of the good ol’ British favourites such as Bangers ‘N’ Mash and Fish & Chips. They also had more Western food catered to our local tastebuds such as Chicket Cutlet which if you realise, can be found NOWHERE in Europe unless you insist that it is simply the local terminology for a schnitzel. Whatever the case, we weren’t there for any of the above. We were there for Big Ben’s Pies.


Chicken & Mushroom Pie. Chicken & Vegetable Pie. Steak & Mushroom Pie. Steak & Guiness Pie. Steak & Kidney Pie. Beef & Cheese Pie. Irish Lamb Stew Pie. Black Pepper Chicken Pie. Cornish Pasty.
A pie set comes with a choice of pie with either Mashed Potatoes, Coleslaw or Baked Beans, as well as a soft drink, all for $7. Mum and I skipped the soft drinks which brought our set lunch price down to $6 instead.

Mum’s Chicken & Vegetable Pie came with Coleslaw.

There were potatoes, peas, carrots and celery inside, together with chicken chunks and the sauce was not creamy. I thought the chicken chunks were slightly dry and my preference is still for M Hotel’s Chicken Pies!! Although, that said, the two pies are different seeing that Big Ben’s is made of short-crust pastry while M Hotel uses puff pastry. But filling wise, I like M Hotel’s better.

I had a taste of the lamb in Dad’s Irish Lamb Stew Pie, and I found the lamb taste to be rather strong. Nice. But strong.

Dad loved it anyway. And his Mashed Potatoes was really good. It wasn’t just plain mashed potatoes. It had bacon bits inside, as well as hard boiled eggs and some carrots mashed in as well.

I went for the Steak & Mushroom Pie, even though a part of me was leaning towards the safer Chicken & Vegetable option. Nevertheless, the steak slices were well done – very lean and hence, a little chewy.

The pie was not overfilled with the savoury sauce and the short-crust pie itself was exceptionally thin, unoily, and was perfectly crusty without being too dry. It could have done with more fresh button mushrooms though but then again, I’m always asking for more vegetables so perhaps most people would be happy with the amount they gave in the pie. Heinz Baked Beans with Steak & Mushroom Pie… How much more British can you get? Hehe.
Portion-wise, the pie with a side made me feel just right! Dad and Mum said they could have had another pie if they had wanted to, or shared another more like, because the pies aren’t particularly big. They have a Big Ben’s Place kiosk at United Square, Novena if any of you would like to buy some home to eat since Swanlake Avenue is really out of the way. Mum and Dad bought 6 pies back to freeze so that they can have them while I’m away. Haha. They bought just about every other flavour that we did not have this lunch time and Big Ben’s also sells Blueberry, Apple and Strawberry Pie if you fancy a dessert pie.
Tea: Mango Lassi Courtesy of Amanda =)
I made a Mango Lassi for Dad and I this afternoon as Mum decided to stick to her tea. The mango we had was incredibly sweet and juicy such that we did not need to have any honey added to the smoothie. So here’s what I did:

A whole mango, diced up, went into the blender.

Then I added some plain yoghurt. I have no idea how much but just enough for two people. I sprinkled some cinnamon in before giving the mango and yoghurt a good blitz.

Poured out and with a little more cinnamon on top, we had our lovely, sweet, mango lassis!
Unfortunately for me, being as absent-minded as I am, I forgot to add in the ice cubes in order to make this even more refreshing. Still the thick concoction was blissfully good to drink and when the last bit coated the glass, refusing to slide out, I simply used my finger and scooped it into my mouth. =X Not very lady-like perhaps but hey, it was finger-lickin’ good!
Dinner: ‘Some things from the Land, Something from the Sea and Something from the Tree’ Pizza
Mum, Dad and I made our own personal pizzas for dinner, deriving inspiration from the lovely eats Sophia constantly whips up.

Using the Tomato-Basil Tortilla Wrap as a base, I then layered it with a pumpkin-cottage cheese spread. What I did was I baked a Blue Pumpkin in the oven for about 40 minutes until the flesh was soft. I would have preferred the Japanese Pumpkin but it looks like The Finest isn’t carrying it at the moment, or perhaps it’s off-season right now. What was facinating about the pumpkin though, was that after the flesh was cooked through, the outside of it managed to peel off so easily, giving way to the orange flesh underneath. I couldn’t resist it and as I peeled the outer ’skin’ away, I kept popping them into my mouth, almost like chomping on pumpkin chips. It was really good!
After removing the pumpkin ’skin’, the pulp was then mixed together with about 100g of cottage cheese, which was then lathered onto our pizza base.

I then piled on some fresh baby spinach, a few slices of sausage (some things from the land), crab meat (something from the sea), about a quarter of a mango worth of mango cubes (something from the tree), and even allowed Mum to grate a little bit of cheddar cheese on top. I still have a little more way to go with cheese, mainly hard, mature cheeses so this was a baby step in the right direction.

Our pizzas were then popped into the oven, which was preheated to 180C, for about 5 minutes. When it came out, the cheese had melted, the spinach had slightly wilted and the tortilla base was crisp! Talk about the best thin-crust pizza ever!!

The cottage cheese balanced out the sweetness of the pumpkin, which I believe wasn’t really very sweet to begin with. Lol. I enjoyed the mix of the sea-flavoured crab meat, the tropical sweet mangoes and the slightly salty Bratwurst pork sausages. The spinach leaves and the crispy-thin base gave a gorgeous crunch while the bit of cheddar cheese on top provided a light, almost creamy taste to the whole pizza. Mum and Dad totally enjoyed their pizza too and as we munched happily on dinner, we were already discussing what toppings to put on our next pizza-venture!
Nightcap: Tau Sar Ang Ku Kueh

I just found out that my new favourite dietitian has managed to find my blog!!!!! x) This means that I will not be able to get away so easily with foods that are too safe because if there is any weight loss, she will definitely be able to pin-point the reasons as to what led it to happen and I will have no excuses to give. I am grateful to June though, that she cares enough to actually find my blog after I made a mention of it to her last appointment and making known her presence to me reminds me once more about the amount of support I am getting from the ED team. Although my relationship with them is a healthcare specialist-patient relationship, their personal concern for my well-being by these random acts really makes a difference to me.
I know that June doesn’t know about the Warm Fuzzies Game but you know what? She gave me warm fuzzies unknowingly which makes the warm fuzzy even warmer and even fuzzier! x)


If you can’t get pine nuts or they’re too expensive, just use pumpkin seeds + sunflower seeds. As long as there’s some sort of crunch, the pine nuts aren’t really essential to this recipe. The thing I do with the garlic is to crush (but not smash to pieces) the cloves and put it in olive oil to heat slowly- watch it so it barely browns, then turn it off and let it sit in the hot oil to cool. The oil becomes so fragrant and strong that you hardly need any of it, and whenever I do this my whole house smells of olive oil and garlic.
The thing I realised about stuff like fish & chips is that it’s all relative and anything is OK in moderation. What I was actually afraid of when I had ED was that I would be unable to practice moderation and eat “bad” things all the time if I didn’t “watch it”. So of course, what happened, was that I ended up watching it so much and controlling so much, feeling guilty, you know the end of the story I’m sure. Nobody in their right might should eat fish & chips twice a day every day, but now when I want my fish and chips once every 2 months, I really enjoy every bit of it.
Because I am/was living on my own when I was going through this I had to really retrain my mental habits to tell myself things like, you have had no meat for three days, you must have some now. You must eat eggs even if you don’t want to have meat (hassle to cook meat for 1 person sometimes cos portion size sold is quite big). To teach myself that moderation goes both ways: it means no restricting as well as no bingeing. Simple concept right… but took me so long to get it
ps. in the last paragraph when I say “you” I actually mean “I”, think you know what I mean.. just wanted to clarify. sloppy editing on my part.
That’s what I try to tell myself too – that everything is essentially good for me if eaten in moderation. Deep fried food is ok as long as it’s not eaten everyday for every meal. It’s ok to eat chicken fat once in a while. It’s ok to eat cream and cheese and butter. Even eating just vegetables the whole day with no protein will be bad for me. But it’s easy to know what’s logical but to practise it is what’s difficult for me personally. Usually, what’s easiest for me is to not even think. Haha. Because when I try to convince myself of what’s right, ED starts to argue back and then the argument becomes pointless and frustrating. So once I start to eat, I try to blank my thoughts out and just concentrate on the company and enjoy my food. One thing good that I have been able to practice so far is the ‘no-bingeing’ thing. Considering I was b/ping at one point, I’m really glad that I’ve managed to keep myself from bingeing and I think I will be able to continue to do so. Well, I should be able to. Hehe.
Looks like you’re quite the cook! Do you happen to have a specialty dish??
Mm, depends what you mean by “quite the cook”. I know how to improvise and I can cook enough to invite people over for dinner, but I’ll never produce gourmet meals because I have no interest in learning all the fiddly techniques.
I can do a good rendang from scratch, but I suppose my specialty dishes are what I can cook in 15 minutes with minimal preparation that are still balanced and nutritious. My favourite so far is grilled fish- dark soya sauce, tamarind (asam), smashed garlic and ginger for the marinade, with lots of hot white rice and stir fried spinach with garlic. I have a nice fishmonger down the road so I do enjoy my fresh fish often.
Totally agree about eating just vegetables whole day being bad- many years ago when I was studying for big exams I was vegetarian because I found I really did study better. Problem was my definition of vegetarian was green vegetables and rice, because I didn’t like any other vegetarian food! So after a year of this, I was at my thinnest (thinner even than during ED!) and anaemic. But after the big exams I stopped and went back to normal.
I remember one way I managed to rationalise to myself that it is OK to eat a lot now and then, was to think of it like Christmas and Chinese New Year. When I was growing up I used to just eat everything in sight at Christmas and CNY. And that didn’t make me fat because it didn’t happen often. So I told myself, if it is a special occasion (I mean really special occasion, birthday party / wedding / celebration dinner etc) then think of it the same way. That did stop my fear of special occasions from talking.
Wow. You can make rendang! Your grilled fish sounds nice! It sounds a little like what Mum makes too. And we love stir-fried spinach with lots of garlic here at home. Hehe. I’m more of an impatient ‘cook’. I prefer to cook food that doesn’t require too many ingredients or I end up being scared off. Rendang sounds like a toughie though…
I think you are an incredibly determined woman who is able to accomplish a lot when you put your mind to it – that is, you’re really strong mentally being able to set your thinking right and tell yourself that you need to get healthy and everything. I really admire that and I wish I could be as strong right now. I think I am starting to weaken and the most horrible part is knowing it, yet feeling almost powerless to stop it. Maybe not powerless, but rather, being unable to psychologically push myself closer to recovery. I guess I need to sit down, reflect and reorg my thoughts and goals once again. I realise I have to do it from time to time in order to get over each hurdle. And what you say definitely rings true about being able to eat more around certain occasions and not actually putting on weight so that is a really helpful reminder to me. =)
see the thing is… the determination can be a force for good, but that was also what got me into ED in the first place. The whole thing started when I had been really stressed at work, so I was binge eating (without purging), that in itself was ED but different sort. Somehow i decided I was fat (actually I was only 3kg above my normal weight, so i wasn’t fat at all) and my determination to become thin went too far. Ironically, during ED wasn’t my lowest weight (that was as described above when I was vegetarian the wrong way) but I definitely exhibited the symptoms of ED cos I was alternately b/ping and restricting.
Tell you secret.. rendang is very easy to make in that if you know the ingredients, the technique is not hard. Get the spice mixture right, fry it enough, add good quality beef and cook it for hours and you have rendang. It is hard to screw it up unless you get the spice mix wrong, or you burn it. But yeah it does take a long time, so if you consider it tough if it takes a long time then yes it is. Personally I think that things like souffle that you really need to get the technique right, are much harder.
Argh! now I am craving rendang! And I am away this weekend so I can’t make a potful. Maybe next weekend.
The other thing that helped wake me up was I was scared that my teeth would fall out. I have always had sensitive teeth on one side and I thought they were getting worse. That helped to scare me into stopping purging, because I am really scared of the dentist. When it comes to it, i am more scared of the dentist than I was of being fat.
Quite happy for you that you can now enjoy rollerblading again! Remember this feeling of being able to engage in activities that you love. I think it will help to fight ED when it trys to pull u back again!
Hee… I think your pizza creation is great cos I also like pumpkins and mangoes. Whenever my mom wants to whip up a fast meal, she likes to cook pumpkin rice which is make by first stir-frying pumpkins with some silver fish and dried mushroom then dumping them all into the rice-cooker to cook with the rice. This makes a pretty tasty one-dish meal. =)
Another pumpkin recipe that sounds simple and delicious! Haha. I’m once again going to have to put this on my ‘to-try-and-cook-at-home’ list! Pumpkins are one of the foods I discovered during this recovery and I must say, it is definitely something I am so happy about because I’ve fallen in love with them! Hehe.
Do you rollarblade? Whatever the case, I hope that you too will be able to engage in the activities that you like soon too! =) Remember your desire for good health and everything. I know it’s so easy to say but I guess, knowing that I have friends like you who are on this journey with me sometimes makes it easier. And seeing friends recover and be so happy helps to spur me on that extra bit. *hugs*
Hey Nat! I’m glad you enjoyed the mango lassi. Haha! It must be really thick! You can use it as a healthy topping for a plain cake already or with muesli/granola.
You surprised me today! You chose an atypical Nat pie. I expected a grilled veg or something but beef steak and mushroom is a wham to ED. Fantastic move dear! Yeah!!!
x) Thank you. Yeah, with muesli or granola sounds great! I’ll probably make a papaya smoothie or something when I get hold of more ’soft’ fruit. Yumm! Thanks a lot for the recipe. I can’t stand it when recipes have like, 101 ingredients but yours was perfect. Short and sweet!
wow, those pies looks REALLY good…I think I would have gone with the chicken and mushroom…and def baked beans! haha, that IS very british…what sort of british food are you looking forward to in the UK?
and haha, I love those pumpkin skins! I NEVER throw them away. I dig out the flesh, then like you, munch on the skins! It is actually my fav part, hee hee. And I really like the name for your pizza! quite a stroke of genius, I must say. Though for MY version, I would add, “something from the COW” as I must, must must have cheese on top! haha!
what I loved most about this post, though, was how your parents fawned over you like that…you first day of rollerblading since target #1!! haha…it’s so heart-warming to see how your parents dote on you like that…darn, it really makes me miss my parents now! I think when they come back (next Thursday) I shall give them an extra-big hug!
Aww.. I think you parents will really appreciate that big hug from you!! And they’ll probably be doing exactly the same as my parents did when you start being able to do all the things you love when you’re at healthy weight too!
To be honest, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever about what British food I want to eat in the UK although I miss eating Nando’s there. They have outlets in M’sia but none here and the M’sian one I tried wasn’t that great. Heard of Nando’s over in the US? It’s basically charcoal(?) grilled chicken with piri piri sauce. You probably have something similar there that tastes even better!! Hehe.
Hehehe…you are so cute! Something from the land and something from the sea huh!:D I love pizza… especially those with good (but not too much) crusts and loads of cheese.
Really happy to see u on ur blades! Thought I’d bring u a Word from James 1:2-4 – “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Nat, I’m sure after you’ve recovered from EDs, your capacity to trust and depend on God would have enlarged so much – and He’d bring you much closer to Him. I pray that you will finish the race with your head up high.
In the UK, I remember how Grandma would take out a frozen pizza and we’d shred even more cheese on top and put extra extra ingredients and have that for lunch. Those were the days when stupid things like calories didn’t bother me. There was definitely something incredibly comforting about it.. Maybe one day I’ll gather enough courage to try and have that again.
Thanks for the verse as well! I sure hope I do learn to persevere and learn in the process to give myself up to God entirely. I know that I am doing so more often now but not as much as I probably should or I probably would not be finding the going as hard as I am currently. But I will keep chugging on and try my best to put my trust wholeheartedly in God. =) And yes, finish this race with my head held high!
yes butternut squash is really good!!!! my mum steam and then stir fries it with garlic, shrimps and xiang gu(the dried mushroom thingy). woo super yum.
anyway i used to love rollerblading when my friend taught me during sec 1. but then i had a bad fall which landed me up unable to walk for 3 months.. and i never rollerbladed ever since(been 5 years). i want to rollerblade again!! D: no courage! can’t lose my legs. :/
oOHhhh! I think I’ve tried stir-fried pumpkin before and I love it!! But I’ve never done it at home. I’ll definitely give your Mum’s recipe ago! It sounds wonderful. Hehe.
Omg!! You couldn’t walk for 3 months? Hmm.. maybe you were going too fast? Now that ECP and Pasir Ris have made proper bicycle/blading paths, it should be a lot safer to blade. And maybe you can wear knee, elbow and wrist protectors as well. =) Go slow and I’m sure you’ll find it enjoyable once more!
i just learnt how to blade then and wasn’t very confident. there’s this slop at ECP and i was thinking if i should give it a go and i did.. and i hit a rock and fell. :/ and opps! i wasn’t wearing any protectors. :X
mm who taught you blading? (:
Hmm.. I got my first pair of Barbie rollarblades when I was in primary 1.. around there la. And I started by blading from the sofa on one side of our living room to the sofa on the other side. Haha. And somehow, I managed to get the hang of it. Later, I started to blade around my Ah Gong’s front yard all the way to the back yard and my cousins also started learning. So we would have mini rollarblading races from the front to the backyard. Funny thing was, we only had 2 pairs of rollarblades for the 4 of us, so we would each take only one side and use our foot to push ourselves forward, almost like skateboarding, but one blades instead.
I think I know which slope you’re talking about. Hehe. Maybe if you do decide to pick up blading again, avoid that slope. Stick the the straight, more level paths! x)
Hey! Nat.
U’re right. I have no idea what the warm fuzzy games are all about..anyhow am glad that i gave u a ‘warm fuzzy’ …that reminded me of a patient who says I look like a Koala Bear (looks warm and fuzzy to you? haha)
Well your D76 intake has much improved from D75! Good job! Keep the momentum k? And go EASY with your workout ya…eating the same but more energy output may not be very feasible at this time…do some check on your activity level, make sure its not getting more intensive by the day,k? But one thing for sure is that you have had a great time with your family and you should cherish every moment of it and not let the ’stupid = ED’ thoughts rob it away from you.
P/S your choice of snacks are wonderful. Keep it up!
YOU CAN BEAT ED. I know YOU CAN.
“Life usually becomes more challenging, but u embark on an outer journey which starts the inner journey” – Andrew Matthews, Happiness in a Nutshell.
Cheers!
mmm now I am wanting fish and chips. There is a really nice F&C place opposite my office, next week I must go.
Ever tried butternut squash? It’s my favourite roast veg. I roast it for a couple of hours (just put in the oven and forget about it) then cube it and serve with a little garlic fried in olive oil, tomatoes and pasta. Add toasted mixture of pumpkins sunflower seeds and pine nuts for extra cruncy goodness.
Yeah I’ve tried butternut squash!! Hehe. Never had it the way you suggester though! Sounds like a great, simple enough recipe! I’m definitely going to have to try it. You know what?? I’ve never tried pine nuts before especially since they’re so pricey. I think I’ll head over to the UK and start buying nuts galore! Haha. I really want to try pine nuts.
There’s a chip shop that my friends and I used to go to down the road from college, and about 7 min away from my UK home. We used to pay a pound for a huge packet of piping hot, fat chips which we used to douse in vinegar and ketchup! Eating it on a freezing winter’s day’s the best thing ever! They sell kebabs there too although I don’t think I’ve ever tried them. x) Hopefully I’ll be able to gather enough courage when I’m there to give the good ol’ British F&C a go.